Christmas crackers

Christmas Crackers

The cracker is a small tube wrapped with a Christmas wrapping paper. There is a cracker in front of each plate. You and the person sitting next to you will each grab one end of the cracker and then you will pull it apart. There is a small device inside the cracker which will make a loud “SNAP” as it is pulled apart. Inside the cracker, you will find three items. First of all, there will be a small toy. You will also find a joke. Each person reads his joke aloud. The jokes are often silly but everyone has a great laugh. The last item is a paper crown. It is such a funny site to see everyone, adults and children alike, sitting around the table with a colourful paper crown on.

Here are a few X-mas cracker jokes:

“Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.”
“Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”

What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper.

Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory?
Because he couldn’t concentrate.

What has four legs but can’t walk?
A table!

What goes up and never comes down?
Your age.

What’s six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
Money.

Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
He’s a fungi to be with. (fun guy)

Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed?
He had low elf-esteem.

What’s the longest word in the English language?
Smiles, because there is a “mile” between the first and the last letters.

On which side do chickens have the most feathers?
The outside.

What kind of paper likes music?
(W)rapping paper.

How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle.

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.

What did the Policeman say to the stomach?
You’re under a vest

Which country has the largest appetite?
Hungary!